I’m going to be embarking on an attempt to reactivate my creativity. Moving forward, I’ll be using this blog as the outlet of that attempt. Instead of updates on my fantastic experiences in Peru, I’ll be sharing my writings, which will be inspired by prompts, and other right-brain-esque endeavors.
There is one thing that bothers me about Peru, actually it’s not just Peru, it’s all of the Latin American communities I have had the pleasure of visiting.
Picture this commercial… a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, light-skinned woman uses this fabulous new detergent that will be sure to get out all of the stains that the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, light-skinned child happens to get on his clothes. In another, a beautiful, blue-eyed woman shakes her blonde locks in a Peruvian shampoo ad. Another smiling, blonde girl advertises mineral water. Ads, of course, have nothing to do with reality. I can count the number of naturally blonde, blue-eyed, light-skinned Peruvians that I have seen on less than one hand. Zero.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that variations of the traditional dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark-skinned South Americans exist – Sofia Vergara from Modern Family is naturally blonde and actually had to dye her hair brown to look more Latina (talk about reverse stereotyping) for her role – but usually even then, it is one trait or another. Since the Conquest, the role model for indigenous women has been fair-skinned, upper-class blonde women.
The majority of Peruvians that I encounter on a day to day basis are the very antithesis of the woman in advertisements. In Peru, the harsh reality is the whiter your skin, the higher the chances are that you can read and write, that you do not go to bed hungry, and that you get your voice heard in issues that concern your daily life. In colonial times, one could buy “white skin” and so climb up the social ladder.
When I came back from the beach in Mancora in June, I was darker than normal from tanning three days in the sun. I felt good as I usually do when sporting a healthy tan. When I went to the department store, I experienced some pretty terrible customer service and I thought it was simply because of my terrible Spanish. After I told my co-worker about it and about how appalled I was, she said (in Spanish), “I bet that wouldn’t have happened if you had stayed lighter. When a person has dark skin they think you are a chola.” Chola = gangster.
When I was younger, I knew I was different. Growing up in an all white community, there was never really a strong presence of diversity. In our family, we never talked about race or the fact that we (my sister and I) were of a mixed race. It’s not that we didn’t experience the Latin American side – believe me, we had our share of mariachi music, cumbia-filled family reunions, delicious Mexican food, and relatives who were always speaking Spanish – we just didn’t talk about it… we are what we are. In elementary school, I remember being asked what were our three favorite qualities about ourselves. I don’t remember the other two, but I remember one of them being “unique”. I didn’t quite know how to put it in words, but I knew that it was there.
Now, let me put this in context for you. My parents both look white, including my dad. He experienced the opposite when he was growing up. The white-looking kid who spoke Spanish living in a predominantly Hispanic community in New Mexico. He’s got lighter skin, freckles, greenish-brown eyes, and dark hair. My mom looks more Hispanic than he does. My sister has dark features, but doesn’t really look mixed. But I do. I look mixed with “something”. The thing is… no one can ever really figure out what, so I always got (and get) questions like “what are you?” and “what’s your background?”. While vague, I never mistook people’s curiosity for meanness and answered the questions. Honestly, I don’t mind, but contrary to my sister, for example, I always had and have a constant reminder that I don’t look like everyone else.
This doesn’t bother me. And it never will. I have been asked if it makes me feel like I don’t fit in in either environment. The answer is exactly the opposite; I feel like my whole life I have been able to fit in in any environment that I get put into because of the “racial ambiguity”. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I actually felt like the outside world could think of me any differently. I had been dating my high school boyfriend for a year or so (we had been friends since 7th grade) and out of our conversation he said, “You know, you and I are a statistic.” I was really confused and asked him, “What the heck are you talking about?” and he said, “We are an interracial couple.”
I realized then that my whole life, I thought I had done a good job of keeping both of my environments very separate. When I was at home, I kept the Hispanic side under wraps, away from my friends in school, because I didn’t want to be any more “different” than I already was. I even had blonde highlights that I kept for a majority of high school. Like I mentioned before, my friends weren’t exactly the most racially diverse group of people. At all. In my eyes, I was just another white girl who looked kind of different. When he said that, I was slightly offended that he thought that our relationship could be boiled down to a statistic. But he wasn’t referring to what we thought we had, he was referring to how other people would see it. And that I wasn’t fooling anyone.
I feel like I have spent the last few years of my life trying to reclaim who I am as a mixed race person who values BOTH sides of my upbringing. A Kansas girl who loves country music and salsa dancing, who can’t live without Mexican food and baseball games, and who can speak English and Spanish.
So this brings me back to what I have seen here in Peru, what I saw in Guatemala, and what I see on Spanish TV in the States – media that encourages dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark-skinned girls idolizing a blonde-Shakira, buying products to lighten (and destroy their skin), and buying contacts to look just a little more Western.
This type of idolizing something you are not is obviously not just a South American trend, but frustrating nonetheless. Just as the media and Hollywood pressures our young girls to stay unhealthy-model thin in the States, the Latin American media glamorizes a type of woman that isn’t even in most of these girls’ DNA code.
As someone who would love to see a little more reality in advertisements, I wish that the Latin American media would show the Latina women that I see every day in the streets - dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark-skinned beauties.
As I mentioned in my last post, I have been feeling quite reflective lately. I don’t know if it is something in the water, the fact that I have been alone a lot more since my housemates have left, or that I was nearing another birthday. But, as another year has passed, I can’t help but think about this year’s journey, my accomplishments, my mistakes, and of course, all of the great people that I have met along the way. As this 24th birthday comes to a close, I want to share a few self-reflections with you:
I’m okay with…
Things that I have learned about myself in the past 12 months:
There is a reason I trust logic… my heart is too emotional. – I am not the most sentimental person. I am deeply rooted in logic and it’s hard to pull me out. But… there is a reason. You know how they say “follow your heart”. For me, “following my heart” leads to irrational and ridiculous endings. I’m glad that I didn’t “follow my heart” a year ago.
Just about this time last year, my heart told me to stay in New Orleans. I love that city. Anyone who knows me knows that it’s a perfect match made in Who Dat nation. Instead, I followed logic. I’m getting my Masters, I got a full-ride, it’s only 7 hours away, Little Rock can’t be that bad, it is the exact program I am looking for, etc. Against all expectations, I declined a job in NOLA and headed for Little Rock, AR. I had my doubts and cried the first night that I arrived, thinking that I made a huge mistake.
I could have never been so wrong. I have met the most inspirational and hard-working people who have only optimistic hope for the future. I have met good friends and great friends. I got to take care of three of the cutest little girls. Right now, I am living in Lima, Peru meeting people from all over the world and speaking in a new language. That is the reason, my friends, that I don’t follow my heart.
It takes time (a lot of time) to unlearn bad personality habits. – This is what I was referring to in my last post… PATIENCE. I have none. I am working on it. I really am. You should have met me 5 years ago.
I may not be the best at networking, but I am great at developing relationships. – I am not a natural born schmoozer. I can entertain and I can make an okay speech, but honestly, networking events and meeting large amounts of random people makes me uncomfortable. What I am good at is taking those few people that I do meet and developing a relationship with them that becomes a lot more than a business contact. I don’t intentionally do it, but… I like people. I want to know more about them than what they do for a job. I may not know hundreds of people, but I do know at least 25 that would put their reputation/jobs/good word on the line for me. I’m good at taking advantage of what opportunities are in front of me. Why waste time looking for something that may or may not happen, when there are countless of possibilities waiting? They are there for a reason.
I might be a strong, independent woman (is that a Beyonce song?), but it doesn’t mean I don’t want a gentleman. – Opening doors never goes out of style.
Finding and documenting a source of inspiration everyday is important to me. – Whether this is a quotation, a piece of art, a song, or a photograph, I need to see or hear some type of creative beauty to start my day. If I don’t, I lose perspective. Life is bigger than just one person and seeing how others interpret the world around them reminds me of that.
I will always dance even if I am the only one. – Life is too short not to feel the beat.
You never quite appreciate home until you leave it. – I always talk about how I don’t know where home is. Is it where I grew up? Is it in a city that I love? Is it where I will be living when I return to the States? No. It is none of those. It is wherever my Mom, Dad, and my sister are. They are my number one fans and best friends. I couldn’t be more grateful for their love and support. I really am a lucky girl.
So here is to 24 years of ups and downs, but mostly ups. To being uplifted by those around you and to attempting to return the favor. To dancing and to playing in the snow. To being single and to having great friends. To not having a plan but knowing that if its anything like this past year, I’m going to be alright.
It has been awhile since my last real update, so here we go. You ready?
First of all, I am a bit upset tonight because I found out that Ms. Britney Spears has announced a South American tour after I leave South America. Laugh all you want, but I went to her last tour and it was awesome… all that my 13-year-old heart and soul in a 21-year-old body would have expected. Anyway… really, Britney, really?
Peruvian Pride - As you may or may not have heard Peru placed third in the Copa America on Saturday. Everyone was really excited and proud to be a Peruvian. I even bought myself a Peruvian flag pin. Woo.
Speaking of excitement to be a Peruvian, this month is their month of independence. Yes, month. At the beginning of July, there was an explosion of Peruvian flags and the colors of red and white everywhere in the city. Everyone has Peru flags, pins, more flags, banners, and flags. Yep, you guess right… I bought a flag too. It all culminates on Thursday, July 28, when everyone gathers in the center of Lima for the celebration of the transition of government. It is like Inauguration Day + 4th of July. In honor of the holiday, and my impending birthday (of course), we get a 4-day weekend.
Yep, that’s right folks. August 1 is my birthday. Money, presents, cards, and money will be accepted. JUST KIDDING.
The Simple Life (no, not with Paris and Nicole) - This past weekend was really great. It was the first weekend that I did not go out on the town and it was awesome. As much as I love going out for a good time and DANCING, I will officially confess that I can not hang with these Peruvians and their up-until-5 a.m.-routine. I am old (i.e. refer to impending birthday). Instead I spent my Saturday at Spanish lessons and eating lunch with the owners of the guesthouse. The lunch was fabulous and I am proud to say that I was able to go the entire conversation speaking Spanish. Although it wasn’t perfect, I am definitely proud of my progress. After I got caught up on the outcome of the futbol game, I was able to get some reading done and actually went to bed early for once.
On Sunday, I went with Sonia to the market. I was in heaven. Fresh veggies and fruits, fish directly from the ocean, homemade cheeses, all the beef/chicken and beef/chicken parts you could ever ask for, not to mention textiles galore. And these aren’t just little farmer’s markets… these markets are HUGE. I picked up some cheese, fruits and veggies (best avocado ever) for the week, and 2 MP3 disks with over 200 traditional Peruvian songs and Peruvian Salsa (DANCE PARTY!). All of this for under $10 folks.
Self-Reflection - I have also spent a lot of time reflecting lately. Reflecting on what has made my time here so great, what I should have done at the beginning of my stay to make myself more effective, what I can do in the last 22 days of work to really turn out a quality project, and I even started a list of “how to make your IPSP the best ever” which I will be sharing post-journey. In addition, I have thought a lot about my life goals (okay, maybe not life… but at least the next five years or so) and what kind of place I want to be in, as a person, when I am finished with graduate school. My heart and my gut still hold a lot of questions and I am hoping this next school year will reveal some answers. Many of you know that I am not a religious person. I never have been. But I do feel like I will be in the right place when I am supposed to be there and I believe in purpose. When I came to the Clinton School, I told myself that that one thing I really wanted to improve upon was self-reflection. Being a very “act now, think later” type of person, I felt like I was definitely challenged in that, but that I really did learn a lot about myself and about other people. One thing I came away with was… I know I am not the most patient, least abrasive, most understanding, overly emotional person, but I am considerate, I am open to new ideas and new perspectives, and I while I might be quick to judge faults in a person, I am the first to find their best qualities too. I am also a die hard loyalist. I really would do anything for my friends.
The other day, I was having lunch with one of my co-workers who speaks little to no English, and she told me, “Alyssa, you are like a ray of sunshine in the office. You are so real. You are always concerned about how other people are doing and when you ask how their day is going, you really do want to know.” Now, I don’t get very emotional, but there was something about how even though I can’t speak the language perfectly or fully understand the culture, it really reaffirmed that I am doing something right. I don’t care what I do in my life as long as I am real… and being a ray of sunshine for someone doesn’t hurt either.
My Project – Speaking of self-reflection another HUGE goal of mine last year was to work on PATIENCE. Yes, patience. I don’t really have time for it, nor am I good at it. In fact, I suck at it. When I want things done, I want them done now. If you don’t have time, I’ll do it myself. Not the best tactic for working in a team (and I’m sure my Practicum Team will back me up on that). However, I did feel like I improved throughout the year only to realize… NOT REALLY. Only this time it isn’t patience with people, it is patience with the process.
I am happy to report that my project is in full gear and I am going to be busting my butt to get a high quality project out by the end of August. While I have worked on a variety of small projects this summer (website site mapping, developing user manuals for our online database, training on the online database, developing an internal evaluation, developing program fact sheets) my main project is called Cataracts-in-a-Box. What this meant for the first uhhh… 7 weeks, was to translate documents that held all of the processes for the current system from Spanish into English. This includes everything from administration and operations, patient intake, partnership agreements to patient forms, post-surgery follow-up, how to measure economic impact, etc.
Translating sucks. Really sucks. However, it has really helped my Spanish and my knowledge of the program… so I am not complaining. Did I mention it is really tedious and requires long hours of looking at words that don’t make sense? Anyway.
Last week, the COO of CGSGI came to Lima and we spent a couple of hours talking about what my project outcome should be and what it will be used for. Essentially, Cataracts-in-a-Box will be used to disseminate best practices as guidelines for replicating the project within the country or externally. My job is to extract the framework of each section and put it into more global terms, rather than specific to the Clinton Foundation’s operating practices. Flowcharts to be included. I have also developed an internal best practices checklist from global standards on administering eye care in developing countries, so CGSGI and other entities using this system can ensure they are in alignment with leading eye care NGO’s and government agencies in the world.
Last week, we developed a survey that will be administered to Chiefs of Ophthalmology, doctors, and nurses that are affiliated with our program. The content is basically about how they recruit, what barriers they have and what help they need to overcome those barriers, what their resources and capacity for surgery are, etc. The results of the survey will not only inform CGSGI’s process for supporting their partners, but will also help me to create a more holistic deliverable. I was able to go out into the field last Friday for an interview; it was so nice to get out of the office and into a space that is actually interacting with the beneficiaries of our services.
Numbers - I have been here a total of 9 weeks and 2 days. I have 22 more work days. I have exactly 5 weeks left in Lima and 6 weeks 5 days left in Peru.
Okay, friends, it has been a pleasure. Love and la vida loca. Chau. Xoxo.
For all you Twitter lovers out there, check out this post in Spanish. I love the fusion of pop culture and art in another language.
Spanish:
Do you like how he tweets? →
Yes → Follow him. No → Unfollow him.Life is simple.
(Source: ilovecharts)
See how CGSGI’s FREE Cataracts Surgeries are making a difference in Lima! For those of you wondering what I am actually doing here this summer aside from experiencing the nightlife, good food, futbol matches, and reading current events… I’ll be posting an explanation soon. You’ve waited this long; it won’t hurt to wait a few more hours (or days).
Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Walk with those who have ideals, with zest to help and lift, to create and contribute. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it. Associate with the creative people wherever you find them. Make friends with them, go where they are, talk with them, listen to them, be open and receptive to them, let them inspire you. Catch their attitudes, their way of thinking and living.
— Wilferd A. Peterson
Lucky I get to call my friends dreamers and believers. Missing my CSPS family and all my friends that have touched my life in inspirational ways.
Peru wins! In a close match on Saturday, Peru stuck it out to win 2-0 against Colombia to make it into the semi-finals of the Copa America. They take on Uruguay tomorrow evening for a spot in the finals! See the full story here. Vammmmoooos Peru!
View Larger The Santiago Times provides this map of the maritime border dispute between Peru and Chile. Unable to resolve the disagreement themselves, the two countries have taken the issue to the International Court of Justice in The Hague, where it remains under consideration.
It must be tempting for the World Court justices simply to go the King Solomon route: take out a protractor, divide the disputed area in half, and declare the case closed.
